The last picture I took of her while she was still alive. This was only a few days before she passed. Its still unreal to me. Looking at all the pictures I’ve taken of her over the past month alone just kill me. I don’t know how I’ve survived the past few days. But I have. & I thank her.
It’s so surreal. She’s gone. She’s really gone. & it probably won’t officially hit me until we bury her Tuesday. These next two days will be so hard. We all knew this day would come eventually, & we hoped that the doctors were wrong when they said she only had a few weeks left. But that was really all she had.
& watching her have multiple heart attacks almost gave me one. I felt so helpless. The ambulance was already on their way so there was nothing we could do but give her morphine to calm her breathing down. Watching my grandfather die was nothing compared to this because now they’re both gone. She was so young. She was supposed to see me graduate & was supposed to be around for my first kid at least. It all happened too fast.
Just a few months ago we were walking around every day, catching the bus downtown to run errands. She was always by my side, & I always hers. It’s so hard to even write this. I’ve never felt so low, so dead inside. I do my best to keep my composure around my sisters & my husband & everyone around me, but I secretly break down every chance I get. It’s going to take forever for me to get over this, I know it.
It doesn’t help that she passed away on what would have been my grandfather’s 79th birthday. He took her. That’s exactly what happened. & that’s what confirmed the other world for me. I’m slightly upset with him. None of us wanted my grandma to suffer anymore. But no one expected it to happen like this. I don’t know how I’ll get over it.
Yo se que esta en un lugar mejor, ma. Yo se que esta con mi abuelo. Nadamas le pido que me quiden desde el cielo. Nunca la voy a olvidar.