It’s so surreal. She’s gone. She’s really gone. & it probably won’t officially hit me until we bury her Tuesday. These next two days will be so hard. We all knew this day would come eventually, & we hoped that the doctors were wrong when they said she only had a few weeks left. But that was really all she had.

& watching her have multiple heart attacks almost gave me one. I felt so helpless. The ambulance was already on their way so there was nothing we could do but give her morphine to calm her breathing down. Watching my grandfather die was nothing compared to this because now they’re both gone. She was so young. She was supposed to see me graduate & was supposed to be around for my first kid at least. It all happened too fast.

Just a few months ago we were walking around every day, catching the bus downtown to run errands. She was always by my side, & I always hers. It’s so hard to even write this. I’ve never felt so low, so dead inside. I do my best to keep my composure around my sisters & my husband & everyone around me, but I secretly break down every chance I get. It’s going to take forever for me to get over this, I know it.

It doesn’t help that she passed away on what would have been my grandfather’s 79th birthday. He took her. That’s exactly what happened. & that’s what confirmed the other world for me. I’m slightly upset with him. None of us wanted my grandma to suffer anymore. But no one expected it to happen like this. I don’t know how I’ll get over it.

Yo se que esta en un lugar mejor, ma. Yo se que esta con mi abuelo. Nadamas le pido que me quiden desde el cielo. Nunca la voy a olvidar.


find a booty you can worship daily and settle down.

God took a good one today. My husband’a grandmother passed away this afternoon. She helped raise him when he was young. She loved him for who he was, & only she knew abt the dark thoughts that roam through my husband’s beautiful mind. Losing someone so special is so difficult. & you always think you’re ready for it too.

When I lost my grandfather, I thought my world ended. & although it didn’t end, it definitely changed. Now that I’m losing my grandmother, I feel like a huge hole will be burned right through my soul. & it’ll forever be open.

Wounds like that never really heal. My husband will probably never fully recover from this particular loss. But he’ll forever change, & for the best. I know it. I told him that when people like that die, it’s our jobs to carry their name in pride. Always do your best, because the best are watching.

I don’t know how I’ll react when my grandmother leaves me. It’ll tear me apart, that’s for sure. But just as I’m here for him, he’ll be there for me.

It always sucks when you lose a beautiful soul.

  1. Camera: Nikon D3100
  2. Aperture: f/5.6
  3. Exposure: 1/60th
  4. Focal Length: 18mm

I just wish it would end. She continues to suffer. Some people are so selfish, though. I wish my grandparents could live forever. The day my grandfather passed, I knew things had to change. & they did. I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like if he was still around. Because of his passing, my grandmother & I became closer. I no longer had my grandpa to defend me when my grandma would yell at me for something, so I had to learn to defend myself. & I did. & life is never boring with my grandma around. But now it’s her time. It’s unfortunate, sure. Again I’ll have to change my life in certain ways. But that shit happens.

I’ve been battling Major Depression since my sophomore year of high school, and I battled it in grammar school as well, although I hadn’t been diagnosed yet. That being said, it doesn’t get easier at a time like this, where the person who gave their life to you is having theirs taken away. It’s fucking hard. & to top it off, my husband is currently losing his grandmother to cancer too, though a different kind. I mean, how bizarre is that? Although it could get much worse, I can’t imagine.

It’s hard enough dealing with the usual problems tossed your way in your twenties. I lost my main father figure, and soon I’ll be losing my main mother figure. But hey, they raised one hell of a woman. You gotta remember that all good things come to an end.

How true is this, really? I mean you see this kind of stuff in the movies. You’re a kid watching all these love stories on a big TV screen then when it’s your turn to live that kind of life, you fail. You find everyone utterly annoying. Even when you think you found the perfect person, you didn’t. & you nvr really will.

(Source: thomasdavenport)